I went out with a JC school mate yesterday. He is back in Singapore for about 2 months before flying off to Brisbane for his flying course. Yes, he's a SIA pilot to be in training. I am very happy for him. Why? This has always been his childhood dream. And he's on his way to attaining the dream. How many friends we know can do that?
I don't know. This just gets me thinking: what were my dreams? What did I want to do when I was young? I seriously have no idea. My initial dream was to be a teacher. But I soon realise I have no such patience. A nurse? I can't even clear my baby's poo without whining. A fashion designer? I can't draw for nuts. A pyschologist? I didn't manage to get into that course in university.
But seriously, I've always wanted to be a fashion designer. After I quit my job 2 plus years ago, I considered going back to school to get that degree. But it costs money. And time. And I don't know. Maybe I am not brave enough to go pursue what I want in life. How sad is that. I am not brave enough to be the oldest student in class. I am not brave enough to spend my husband's hard earned money on a degree that might not get me anywhere in life. I am not brave enough to spend another sum of money to set up a line that might not generate enough to sustain a business. I am not brave enough to find out if I can attain my dream.
And now, I have no time to do anything. I have Kae. I can't just push her aside and go pursue what I should have 2 years ago when we are still just the 2 of us. I can't just go and live for me. And now, I may have to live my life not knowing what could have been.
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